A Blond with an Extra E
by TheRealEvanSG
Summary: When a Noodle Incident involving Jaune, an unidentified flying Nora, Cardin Winchester, and Dust causes a good deal of characters within the RWBY franchise to accidentally switch genders, hilarity and insanity take over the school in equal parts. One thing's for certain: Jaune's science teacher is going to need a huge raise. And a psychiatrist. Crack!fic
1. The Incident That Shall Not Be Named

**Disclaimer:** Here I am with yet another new story! RWBY has been a huge love of mine for a while now, and after reading a genderbender fanfic a while back, the idea for a comedy-based version started brewing in my head. Finally, a few days ago, I decided to hell with it. I put pen to paper (well, more like finger to keyboard, but you get the picture) and... well. This happened. Which is a thing.

...

Enjoy!

 _P.S. Roosterteeth owns all rights to RWBY characters, plots, etc._

 _P.P.S. If you want to participate in a discussion of this story, head on over to Spacebattles, where I've posted this fic in a thread under the same name, in an account with the same name that I have here!_

* * *

Chapter 1: The Incident That Shall Not Be Named

Jaune was quite aware that Dust could do just about anything when applied correctly. The warning labels on the side of every single dust container, his science lab teachers, and (most of all) Weiss never let him forget this fact. He always tried to be incredibly careful around Dust, far more careful than he was around everything else; he knew he was somewhat of a klutz, after all, and definitely did not want to accidentally explode the entire school. So the Dust spill of April 1st was absolutely, _definitely_ not his fault, despite the fact that he had been holding jars filled with the six different types of the stuff that had all been involved. Exactly _who_ was responsible for the Incident That Shall Not Be Named, however, he never fully figured out for years to come.

Jaune was really quite sure that some random jerkass being somewhere was cackling gleefully at the madness he/she had orchestrated.

The class started normally enough. The teacher, who was really quite boring as far as Beacon standards went, made them put on the usual lab suits and break up into groups with their partners. This meant that Pyrrha and Jaune always worked through the labs together, something he was very grateful for. She easily made up for his lack of any sort of skill with combining Dust, and under her scrutiny, he had slowly been getting better. He was still leagues behind the rest of the class - - who had probably been working with the stuff since they could walk and talk - - but he at least wasn't running the risk of flunking the class anymore. The blond was actually starting to feel somewhat confident in the class.

Once they'd broken up into their groups and gotten their lab coats on, the teacher had began giving out instructions on how to complete the lab.

"I need one person per group to come up and select any three of these Dust types," said the teacher, patting his desk, where jars upon jars of the magic-like substance rested. "The types of dust you need are dependent on your group. On your lab area, you will find a paper listing the three kinds you will require."

The students all looked down at the aforementioned papers.

"Looks like we need light, fire, and ice dust," Pyrrha read, and she tilted her head adorably. "What do you think we could be making with those, Jaune?"

The swordsman shrugged. "Heck if I know. Probably something incredibly volatile and useless."

"I'll only be a few moments," Pyrrha said, smiling, and she went to move out to get their jars, but Jaune quickly slid in front of her with crossed arms and a wide smirk.

"Nah, just wait right here," he said smoothly, puffing out his chest. "I've got this. I can handle at least this much. Besides, it's only the chivalrous thing to do."

She smiled knowingly. "Ah, I see. Alright, then, Jaune, I shall wait patiently."

Brimming with confidence, Jaune swept off, swinging his arms in an exaggerated motion at his side. He hummed the tune to an old song he'd heard years ago as he made his way up to the teacher's desk. He briefly scanned the differently colored Dust, looking for the appropriate types. Having found them, he stuck one under his armpit, then clasped his hands around the last two and started to walk off back to Pyrrha. Before he'd made five steps, though, Weiss suddenly appeared in his line of sight, and he immediately leaped back, his cheeks flushing violently.

"O-O-O-Oh, hey, Snow Queen! Uh... whatcha need? I'd be happy to help with anything you want to do."

She smiled beatifically. "Perfect! Then would you carry these three jars back for me?" She nodded with her head towards her filled arms, with which she cradled jars of dark, lightning, and gravity Dust. "I'm sore from sparring with Yang yesterday in gym class, and could use a serv - - er, friend's help."

Jaune's heart leaped. A chance to help out his crush! "Sure thing, will do! Just ah... put them in my arms, I guess, I don't really have enough room to take them myself..."

The white-haired heiress did so, and promptly bounded off to rejoin Ruby at their lab table.

" _Jaune_?" called Pyrrha from across the room, watching the exchange with an increasingly large frown. "Are you sure that's not too big of a load?"

"I-It's alright Pyrrha! I g-got this!" he grunted, and he tried to give her a thumbs up, but discovered it was rather impossible to do so when carrying six different jars of Dust. He began the trek back to his own desk and Weiss and Ruby's, while beside him, Nora leaped across the classroom gleefully, clutching two jars of ice Dust and one jar of dark Dust in her hands.

Watching warily from their table, Ren said, "Nora, just walk like everyone else, please...?"

"NEVER!" she roared with an evil grin. "MY EXCITEMENT SHALL NOT BE QUENCHED BY MERE MAN!"

"So does that mean you're a lesbian?" everyone heard Cardin snark from the corner of the room, and unfortunately for him, that 'everyone' definitely included Nora. And everyone knew that if there was one thing you absolutely did not do at Beacon Academy, it was make fun of Nora Valkyrie within earshot. Or, preferably, at all.

She immediately stopped leaping and glared daggers at him, reeling her fist back violently. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

Pyrrha's eyes widened as she leaned out a hand, despite the distance of fifteen feet that still lay between them. "JAUNE, WATCH OUT FOR - -!"

Her warning came too late. Nora's angry elbow slammed into Jaune's stomach by chance, and the young man doubled over in pain. Nora hit _hard_. Unfortunately for Jaune, the pain of the unplanned elbow jab caused his grip on his jars to loosen, and his arms to flail out. As many of the students looked on in horror at the chaos that began to unfold before them, Pyrrha decided to step up to the rescue. It was standard Schnee Dust Company procedure to line the lids of their jars with metal to double-safe them from the outside environment, which meant that Pyrrha could use her magnetism to pull them through the air.

That _might_ have been the end of things. Had it been a perfect world, the whole crisis may have been averted right there.

However, if the world _had_ been perfect, we wouldn't have a story. And that would just be a right shame.

While the jars floated to Pyrrha, Nora chose that moment to bend her knees, shift her weight forward, and put all her leg power into a massive jump across the room, straight at Cardin. The young man's eyes widened in appropriate terror, and he ducked and tried to cover himself with his arms, like he was in a tornado drill. Nora's body twisted, and she began to power her fist forward in a direct path to Cardin's skull, when - -

"WOO HOO, FIST FIGHT!"

 _Yang_ appeared out of nowhere and drop-kicked JNPR's heavy hitter clear out of the air.

At an angle.

At an angle that sent her flying half-way between Jaune and Pyrrha.

At an angle that sent her flying half-way between Jaune and Pyrrha, at the exact same moment that the jars of Dust (the highly volatile jars of Dust that could do just about anything when applied correctly) _also_ happened to be halfway between Jaune and Pyrrha.

"Mental note: Demand raise from Ozpin, threaten to quit if he doesn't comply," deadpanned the teacher, his eye _twitching_.

For a single moment, everything slowed down in front of Jaune's eyes, as he regained himself enough to look up. As he took in the chaos stretched out before him, he felt his sanity begin to shatter like the glass of the Dust jars Nora broke.

Then the Dust mixed.

There was a massive _BOOM!_ and a very large explosion of many colors.

And nothing was ever the same at Beacon Academy again.


	2. An E Gained, A D Lost

**A/N:** Wow, this story's gotten pretty popular very quickly. Thank you all so much for the great feedback! I'm really lucky to have you all following my story. Here's the second chapter. Don't forget to pop on over to Spacebattles, too, where you can take part in the community discussion within the thread under the same name as this fic. Lastly, I do not own RWBY, Roosterteeth; nor am I using this fic for profit.

* * *

Chapter 2: An E Gained, a D Lost

The smoke permeated the whole room, touching everything and everyone. It stank something terrible and burned in Jaune's throat, bringing tears to his eyes as he coughed harshly. His throat felt as though he'd breathed in gaseous fire. It reminded Jaune of the time his parents, sisters and him had went camping in heavy winds, and the campfire's smoke had seemed to almost chase him around the camping site. This was something similar; no matter where the hunter-in-training stumbled to in the room, the rainbowy smoke was there.

"Someone - - _hackough!_ \- - get the window open so we can c-clear the smoke!" shouted the teacher over the din of the students' coughing and hacking.

"G-got it, sir!" called Yang's voice from somewhere in the far corner of the room. The visibility was so poor with all of this billowing smoke that Jaune could hardly see two feet ahead of himself, much less twenty or more. However, as the shout reached Jaune's ears, he thought it sounded a little... deeper than usual? Was Yang sick, or was it just a result of her coughing and the smoke?

There came the sound of much stumbling and cursing, and maybe one or two beakers shattering against the floor. Then Yang shouted in triumph and Jaune's ears picked up the window scratching against the frame. Another coughing fit overtook the blond's body and he doubled over in pain. His chest was starting to feel really heavy for some reason, and it was throwing off his balance. He stumbled before shooting a hand out to one of the desks beside him, and he heaved a sigh of relief as his balance readjusted. Of course, though, that sigh only made him inhale more smoke, which sent him into a renewed fit of coughing. He put his hand against his chest reflexively while he wheez - - uhhhhh, his chest wasn't normally that soft, was it?

The teacher turned on a fan, and the multi-colored smoke slowly started to clear out of the room. As the air cleared, Jaune's throat stopped feeling quite so burnt, and he drew in long, grateful gasps of air. His vision swam in tears, and he wiped his eyes, shaking his head. A final fit of coughing shook his body, as Pyrrha's voice spoke up.

"Is everyone alright?" she said, although strangely enough, her voice sounded deeper, too.

Jaune blinked the final tears away and breathed in the clean air, accepting the oxygen with gusto. "I'm alright - -" he started to say, and then he happened to look down, still somewhat curious about the alien softness of his chest.

And his heart nearly stopped.

The last time he had checked, he did _not_ have a set of knockers to rival even Yang's.

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What the heck...?" he gasped, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. Terror swept over Jaune when he realized that his own voice seemed to have climbed a couple octaves in two minutes. There was no way this could be true, right? The smoke had to be making him hallucinate or something. Despairing, Jaune reached down past his... _boobs..._ and groped desperately at his crotch, hoping beyond hope to feel the slight bulge that was definitely supposed to be there.

Nope.

Flat. Smooth. Nothing.

"Oh gods," squeaked Jaune Arc, and was again horrified at the highness of his voice. He rushed to the science classroom's glass case, which contained samples of different elements, compounds, and scientific instruments, and took a look at his reflection in the mirror.

And nearly fainted.

Staring back at him in the glass was a downright _gorgeous_ blonde, the type that he definitely would've stopped in the hallway and tried to flirt with. She had a smooth face, innocent eyes, long, silky hair, and was wearing Jaune's clothes and armour.

"Jaune? Are you al - - oh my."

Pyrrha had come around the corner of their lab station, only it wasn't quite the Pyrrha he knew. Instead of the pretty, beatific redhead he called his partner, Jaune looked over his shoulder to spy an equally handsome man, tall and broad-shouldered, who was flat-out _gleaming_ in his bronze armor. He was square-jawed and yet had a soft, understanding face, the kind that made you feel comfortable sharing a drink and maybe playing some video games with. Despite all of this, it was definitely Pyrrha's eyes that resided in those sockets.

"You're a girl," said male Pyrrha in disbelief.

Jaune felt faint. "And you're a dude!"

Pyrrha stiffened, his eyes straying down. "I'm a wh - - _what the..."_

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!?" cried the teacher, and in shock, Pyrrha and Jaune both looked at him... er, her?

Sure enough, the teacher had turned into a girl just like Jaune. The two partners were very panicked now, and looked desperately about the room. Everyone, it seemed, had suffered the same fate. Where Ruby and Weiss had been standing at their station, a short redhead and a medium-sized silver haired boy now took their place. A shorter-than-normal Yang stood by the window, _his_ hair generally the same as before, although it made him look kinda cool. Blake was now ridiculously tall, his short hair parted at the side, the bow looking very out of place atop his head. Ren was absolutely tiny, almost a midget, and definitely gave off a moe feel, whereas Nora... was still pretty much Nora, just without boobs. Somethings, Jaune mused, never changed. The mass-gender bending had hit Cardin and his cronies, too, although she had to admit that they didn't look anywhere near as good with it as Teams RWBY and JNPR.

That only left the Shadows, and although they seemed to be affected, too, it wasn't that noticeable due to their bodies looking like... well, shadows.

"Did we all just... change genders?" Pyrrha gaped at the others in the room and at himself, not quite believing what he'd just said.

Jaune completely understood the feeling. "It... It seems so," she said.

Ruby took a look at Weiss and blinked in shock. "Whoa, Weiss!" he exclaimed, gaping. "You're a guy! Cool!"

"What? Don't be silly, I'm not a - -" Weiss abruptly froze as he took in his body. The next second, he screamed so loud Jaune's ears hurt.

Yang happened to look down at about the same time. "Whoa! I'm a dude! And I'm _ripped!"_

"I need a _really_ big raise for this," muttered the teacher, her head hanging in despair as, one by one, screams of various emotions erupted from her students.


	3. Acquiring New Hardware

**A/N** : Sorry for the wait, guys! Keeping up with both of my major fanfictions right now - - _Ripples in the Pond_ as well as _A Blonde with an Extra E_ \- - is tough, and then when you factor in time spent on Minecraft... yeah, writing's been going slow. But without further ado, here's your next chapter!

* * *

Chapter 3: Acquiring New Hardware

Once it had been confirmed that everyone in the entire class had indeed swapped genders, the teacher, who had also suffered from the accident, sent them all to Ozpin's office. Unfortunately, this meant that the gender-bended class now had to move around... and as they soon discovered, this was no easy task.

Walking in a girl's body was much different from doing so in a guy's body, Jaune decided after the fifth time she tripped and fell flat on her face in the hallway. She picked herself up shakily, her face red with embarrassment. Her sense of balance was thrown completely off-whack; despite the fact that she had not grown much smaller, Jaune had still lost a couple of inches. Add that to the fact that Yang-sized breasts now bounced uncomfortably on her chest, and her center of gravity was completely different than before. She kept accidentally keeling straight forward. At least Cardin and her cronies weren't having any easier of a time than she was. In fact, they were doing even _worse_. Their teacher was having trouble as well, but not as bad as Team CRDL.

As for Ren, the tiny, black-haired girl was taking the whole _female_ thing remarkably well. She was already walking and moving about like she'd been born a girl, and she was even starting to get the hip-swing right. Jaune was immeasurably jealous. Just how was she able to be so perfect at absolutely everything she did!?

Generally speaking, the girls-turned-guys were having a much easier time at it than the guys-turned-girls. This was probably because they didn't have to factor in the added weight of a heavy chest to their center of balances. They still weren't perfect, though, Ruby being the prime example of this. The medium-sized boy kept stumbling over his own two feet, wobbling like a teeter-totter. While he hadn't yet fallen, he'd come close. Blake, unsurprisingly, had immediately found his center of balance, probably due to the fact that he was part cat. Pyrrha had also adjusted pretty quickly, though this may have had something to do with his Semblance and armor. Yang had the next best balance, followed by Nora, then Weiss, and finally Ruby.

Just as Jaune was thinking this, her balance tipped forward again and suddenly her face was slamming down toward the ground. She closed her eyes and winced, expecting the feeling of the cold floor against her face, but a tight pull on her chest froze her in mid-fall.

"Are you okay, Jaune?" said Pyrrha, his deep voice soothing and kind. He bent down to smile at her and push her back up to a stand.

Jaune blushed, embarrassed that Pyrrha had had to save her with his Semblance. "Yeah, I'm fine," she muttered.

"It seems you're having trouble walking. I can help, if you need."

"Um..." Jaune frowned. "I'm just having a hard time finding my center of balance, and all this falling is really not helping things. Could you, um... keep a hand on me so I won't fall as much?"

The taller 'man' smiled. "Of course, I'd be happy to."

Pyrrha's hand was warm against Jaune's shoulder, comforting and strong. She didn't stop tripping at all, but he gently stopped her from faceplanting into the floor. The blonde could feel Ruby, Yang, and Nora staring at them with conspiratorial grins, but decided to ignore them lest her face grow any hotter.

"I just want to change back to being a girl!" whined Weiss, sounding slightly depressed. "Father's going to _kill_ me."

"Don't worry about it, Ice Princess," said Yang with a snort. "Everything's gonna be fine. Just think - you can go to the bathroom standing up, now!"

He moaned pitifully. "I can't even be Ice Princess anymore…" the silver-haired boy said. "Not that that's a good name, anyway, but still…"

"Yang! Not helping!" Ruby hissed.

The brawler stared. "What? Just 'cause your pants are tighter doesn't mean you can't be an Ice Princess."

" _Yang!_ "

"Do you think there's anyway we can get changed back?" asked Blake, his brow creasing. "I don't want to wear baseball caps for the rest of my life."

"Why do you always cover the top of your head, anyway?" Cardin asked with a snort. "It's stupid. Just be like a normal person for once."

Yang's eyes flashed. "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A GIRL NOW, DON'T THINK YOU'RE EXEMPT FROM PUNISHMENT, MISSY. I AIN'T AFRAID TO SMACK SOME BITCHES."

"Meep!" squeaked Cardin, scuttling behind Dove for protection.

"My hero," drawled Blake sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Struggling to walk ahead of them, the teacher glared back at Yang and Cardin. "RWBY, CRDL, I _sincerely_ hope there are no problems back there. My frustration is already through the roof with this _stupid_ walking, and if I need to break up a fight when no challenge has been issued, both you and Cardin, Yang, are getting detention for a _week_. Capische?'

"Capische," said Yang, and now it was her time to roll her eyes. Their science teacher (whose name she really could not remember for some reason) had a pretty short temper. It was probably due to her Semblance - pyrokinesis. She could create a small amount of flames and control them at will. Combined with Fire Dust, the teacher (God, what was her name again?) could become a pretty heavy hitter when times required it.

The class turned and found themselves at the elevators. The teacher pressed the button and tapped her foot impatiently while they waited for the elevator to arrive. A couple minutes of the class muttering back and forth later, there was a high _ding_ and the doors at last slid open. The class all piled into the elevator, fitting as much of them in as they could. Teams RWBY and JNPR fit in, as well as Cardin, Dove, and Russel, but Sky and the Shadows had to wait for the second trip. Yang, however, did not care much about these details. Instead, he was mulling over his lack of memory of their science teacher.

"Nora," Yang hissed, turning to the redhead with a frown, "do you remember the teacher's name?"

He opened his mouth to answer eagerly… and then blinked and tilted his head. "Huh… actually, I don't. Ya know, I don't even remember when we all signed up for this class. It's almost like we were suddenly put there for some weird purpose."

"Nora, what have we said about breaking walls?" sighed Ren in her silky voice. A lock of long, black hair fell in front of her face and she brushed it back with a huff.

He brightened up. "Three walls are fine, but stay away from the fourth?"

"Yes. And no pancakes for a week if you break the fourth."

"Right!" Nora blinked, then sagged to a depressed slump. "Awww, wait, Rennie~! This isn't fair~!"

The doors closed silently, the teacher (for the love of Oum, _what_ was her name?) pressed the button for the Ozpin's office, and the elevator began lifting up the shaft.

"Rennie?" Jaune said, grinning despite herself. Ren blushed hotly.

Ten minutes ago, if you'd told Jaune that she'd ever think a blushing Ren was one of the cutest things on the surface of the planet, she'd have called you insane, but somehow that was exactly what Jaune was thinking at the moment. Nora seemed to think so, too, if the way he grinned and his eyes sparkled was anything to go by. Jaune was somewhat jealous of Nora's and Ren's closeness, really; they even apparently had nicknames for each other. She and Pyrrha didn't. Maybe they should? What would be a good nickname for a spirited champion of a redhead, strong and handso - _okay, stop right there, brain, I definitely don't like boys now, no way_ , Jaune thought with a shiver.

"Don't call me that, please," muttered Ren, "and… don't ask, either. It's… it's a long story."

"Oh, come on!" Yang grinned and linked an arm around Ren, batting his eyes. It was a strangely disturbing action in his tough, big guy body. "Tell us, tell us! I have _got_ to know this."

Ren's face was definitely getting redder. " _No_!"

"Aww, come on, Rennie, you're punishing me, so I think you deserve some punishment, too!" Nora drawled with a wide grin.

" _Nora_!" yelped the black-haired girl.

"Get a room, you two," said Cardin, earning herself a sharp glare from all of Team JNPR.

Dove facepalmed. "You just don't learn, do you?" she sighed.

"Hey, I can't help that I'm, like, the only person that doesn't get any character growth!"

"Oi, _I'm_ the fourth wall breaker here!" barked Nora furiously.

Russel, who was surprisingly pretty, with mint green hair that had come in a pre-tied ponytail, pearly blue eyes, and slightly above-average curves, groaned. "Is it too late to regret every life decision I have ever made?"

"We're already the opposite genders, so yes, it is too late to regret every life decision I've ever made" sniffed Weiss.

"Um, I was talking about my choices, not yours," she pointed out timidly, but was largely ignored by everyone in the vicinity.

The teacher (okay, really, what the _heck_ was her name?) groaned with relief as the elevator stopped and _dinged_ to let them know that they'd arrived. "Oh, _finally_!" she cheered as the doors slid open to reveal Ozpin's emerald-colored office. "Just one more trip… I cannot _wait_ to find a way to change back. I need to get used to walking with this body…"

They filed through the door out into the hallway, Team RWBY going first with JNPR and CRD right behind them. The teacher waited in the elevator for them to exit, then pressed the button for the floor they'd just left to retrieve Sky and the Shadows. The doors slid shut and they heard the elevator beginning its descent as Ozpin swiveled around in his chair. Glynda Goodwitch, who had been standing with her back to them beside Ozpin's chair, also turned around.

The Headmaster's Office was one of the most beautiful rooms in all of Beacon. It was wide and spacious, with a shiny emerald floor that was stunning in the sunlight. Its ceiling was a large dome from the center of which, ever-turning gears were suspended. A thin catwalk looked down upon the rest of the room from halfway up the dome, and ornate pillars stretched down to meet the floor at the room's perimeter. Large windows looked down around the entire school grounds, offering a perfect vantage point, causing the office to remind one of an impossibly fancy crow's nest. Ozpin's table sat near the back of the room, so he could stare out peacefully upon the school grounds for hours, as he had been doing before the kids' entrance.

"Ah, Team RWBY, JNPR, Cardin, Russel, and Dove," said Beacon's Headmaster, a coffee mug in one hand and his ridiculously stylish cane in the other. "Your teacher mentioned you'd be comi -" He froze as he took in his student's new bodies, his smile plastered onto his face. "Erm, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I do not know any of you young men and women. Who are you all, exactly?"

"Teams RWBY, JNPR, and CRDL, although Sky's still coming up with the Shadows," piped up Ruby. "It's really weird, but somehow we all swapped genders after a Dust explosion in Science Lab."

Ozpin and Glynda exchanged glances, their eyebrows raised in equal expressions of shock. For several moments, nothing was said, and the young Hunters- and Huntresses-in-training shifted awkwardly in place. The silence was becoming very unsettling. Even Nora seemed to be getting somewhat perturbed by it. Then, a playful smile creeped up Ozpin's face, and a second later, both he and Professor Goodwitch burst into unbridled laughter.

"Um… Ozpin, sir?" Jaune asked uncertainly, his face twitching. "What's so funny?"

Cardin glared. "Yeah, I'm a girl now! A stupid _girl_! This is horrible! My dad could sue the school, you know!"

"Oi, Winchester, watch your Oum-damn sexist mouth," hissed Yang.

The emerald-cloaked man was very obviously holding back giggles like a school child tries to hold back being excited over ice cream - - very badly. His eyes gleamed and his mouth twitched up. Professor Goodwitch rolled her eyes and struck her palm against her forehead. "I simply find it amusing," snorted Ozpin, "that of all the things that could've happened to you all - - poisoning, loss of limbs, death, or a particular taste for roast squirrel - - that the universe decided to punish you for mixing Dust by swapping your genders."

Weiss rolled his eyes, his patience clearly ebbing. "Haha, real funny, _can you change us back or not_?"

"Hmm… well - -"

The elevator door chose that moment to open with a ding that caused all the Hunters- and Huntresses-in-training to leap out of their feet. This unfortunately caused Jaune, Ruby, and Cardin to all trip and fall face-first into the ground. The sights of the three's unfortunate fall as well as the science teacher exiting the elevator in her girl form were finally too much for Ozpin. The great headmaster of Beacon Academy snorted, choked on his coffee, and at last exploded into peals of laughter.

"Ugh, Ozpin," scoffed Professor Goodwitch, groaning. "Honestly, I thought you were more serious than this."

He managed to choke down his laughter long enough to raise his eyebrow and stare incredulously at her. "Woman, I spent four years of my life training Team STRQ to become Hunters and Huntresses. I believe their antics made any long-term seriousness I achieved to be shot and killed long before that was over."

"...Withdrawn," she mumbled, looking back at the genderbent teens, Shadows, and teacher reluctantly. "Please excuse Ozpin; he's had a… strange week. Would you happen to know which types of Dust were involved in the explosion, and what amounts? If we knew those factors, we might be able to recreate the event that swapped your genders."

"I believe I can give you the appropriate Dust types," said their science teacher (okay, really, what the _hell_ was his name?) as she wiped her brow. "I am not sure precisely how much of it reacted, however. Nora managed to break all of the six jars at once, and it is indeterminate just how much of each different type mixed to cause the explosion. It may be necessary to run several experiments, as well as do some research to see if anything like this has ever happened in the past."

The blonde woman frowned in thought. "This is certainly the first I've ever heard of an incident like this happening, but that's a good idea, Doctor…" The students all leaned forward a bit, somewhat eager to learn what the teacher's goddamn name was again… and then all sweatdropped as Glynda Goodwitch hesitated and deflated. "Erm, I'm sorry," she said, "what's your name again? For the life of me, I cannot seem to recall it."

The genderbent lady in question huffed and put her hands on her hips. "What is _up_ with everyone always forgetting my name!? It's Doctor Knowall."

Nora tilted his head. "Why 'Doctor?' You're a science teacher."

"I got a PhD in chemistry at the same time Dr. Oobleck got his in history," said Dr. Knowall, "and you had _best_ remember to say it instead of 'professor.' Why? Because - -"

" _You didn't get your PhD for nothing, you know,_ " recited the whole class in a perfect Oobleck impression.

Knowall nodded, pleased. "Precisely."

"Well, anyway," Yang huffed, glaring at the professors, "that recreated explosion better get made _fast_ , because all of my beautiful hair is gone, and if I don't ever get it back, someone _will_ get a fist to the face. I don't know exactly who, but someone _will_ get one."

Cardin stared flatly at him. "Your _hair_? Bitch, you've got nothing to complain about compared to me. I'm missing my wonderful d-!"

" _AHEM_ ," coughed every single ex-girl, as well as Professor Goodwitch, in the room as they glared daggers at her.

The dark-haired woman swallowed nervously and slid back behind Dove. "Um… shutting up now."

"Thank the Lord," grumbled Jaune, her eye twitching.

"So, what'll we do while we wait for the cure?" asked Blake.

Ozpin shrugged. "Return to your classes, practice getting used to moving about in your current genders, and aside from that… anything you want to do that's not against Beacon rules."

"I'll set to work with Oz and Professor Goodwitch on that reverse-explosion," said Dr. Knowall to the students. "Class is dismissed for this period. Just… do whatever you want until lunch."

"Oh, thank God," groaned Weiss, stretching to the sky as she started to return to the elevator. "I have to go to the bathroom."

There was a pause.

"...Crap, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

Ozpin's smile twitched, and his renewed laughter filled the office.


End file.
